On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
