dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
