if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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