fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
