cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
