The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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