it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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