Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
