i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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