Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
