So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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