I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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