she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A+ Viking dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
