you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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