do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
