Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
