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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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