is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
