the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
