Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I need to align my fucking chakras
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
