i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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