My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
