I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
