I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
