Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
