"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
