the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
