I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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