the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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