i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
