No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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