I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
