i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
