How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
