So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
