i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
