careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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