like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
