i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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