I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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