Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
