either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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