I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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