if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
