i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
