You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
