another moral hangover. fuck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
