I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
