It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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