When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
