It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And then he peed in my hair
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