i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
