I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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