the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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