he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize