Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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